Everything Helps

Having children can be the most exhilarating and yet the most frightening. You can go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Everything helps when you have a plan. Everything helps when you set goals and boundaries. Everything helps when you have a support group outside of your home. I put together a list of five helpful tips but I know there’s so much more. If only life was this simple. I probably do a second partake in the near future. With children there’s so much to talk about. I might not have a PHD in Child Psychology or Child Development but I have four kids. That should say it all. We are always learning and trying new methods to make life easier.

 

 1. One of the best things you can do for your child is to show genuine interest. To lead by example is to be the kind of person you want your child to be. To figure out what your true values are and acting on them. They can be as simple as doing unto others what you want done to yourself. To never giving up on making your dreams come true. To know that it’s ok to ask for help when you feel a little overwhelmed and to not be too hard on yourself when things don’t go your way!

 

2. Show affection. No one ever said too much affection was a bad thing especially when kids are small but lack of affection causes a significant impact on a child’s behavior development causing them many times to act up. Don’t be afraid to give lots of hugs or shower them with kisses. It will do wonders for their self esteem. Some kids might be into high-fives or some prefer that you text them or write them sweet little notes. Find your way to show how much you care and appreciate them. They grow up so fast and will remember every second you demonstrated your love!

 

3. Be the parent that asks questions. Be the parent that shows up to practice and recitals. Be the parent that “shows up”. Be the one that’s present, and makes time for their child. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about what’s going on your child’s life. Ask questions about school, activities or interests. Be open and friendly to their friends. Ask questions about them. Be accepting of everyone.

 

4. Your child needs you to be clear, reasonable, consistent and lenient to their ever changing needs and choices as they grow older. Sometimes you are the one that’s saying “no” when other parents are just saying “yes”! At times it’s in everybody’s interest and has to be done for the long haul. Stressful frustrations can set in but setting boundaries and limits are important for developmental needs.

 

5. Look around you. Are there any adults outside of your immediate family that have a positive influence on your child’s life? Perhaps it’s his or her teacher that pushes them to practice writing their name and teaches them not to give up. Maybe they are in the swim team and the instructor pushes them a few more laps in the pool, to motivate them. Maybe they have a supervisor in charge of their routes where they deliver the Sunday newspaper teaching them commitment and responsibility. All parties can benefit from having supportive relationships.

 

 

Helpful Tips

 

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Do you still think a parent’s job is easy?

Minority woman with her children fighting in the background

I’ve always heard that being a dad or mom was the hardest job around, but I never really gave it much thought until I became a mother myself and as I write I realize how really true that is.

It’s a job that doesn’t come with an instructions manual or manufacturing manual. Every day is an opportunity to learn. It’s with the mistakes that we assimilate our “trial and error”. We could have thousands of people give us endless advice, but at the end of the day, what counts is how we deal with situations and their stressful moments.

               Everything begins the second the baby is a tiny seed with the countless hours of morning sickness in all times of the day. Our maternal instinct takes a hold of us while we carefully walk slowly to not slip and fall.  That unbreakable bond grows along with love as soon as you discover you are not alone. There are things you can’t explain, only feel. You start to notice your clothes no longer fit you the way it used to.  You don’t complain because you know it’s for a good purpose, the birth of your child which is priceless. Gradually that little one takes control over us, not letting us eat everything that we want without having his or hers approval first. To sleep or not to sleep? Depends on the position, otherwise you will feel a little tap letting you know to quickly move it.

               All this loses its precedence the second you start to feel your little miracle moving inside of you that you helped create with a true feeling of LOVE. Your little bambino recognizes your sweet voice and the sound of your beating heart. Before your little one wants to make his or her debut, stress befalls you with questions of concern regarding labor. Will I do everything right? Will I be a good mother or father? The questions are overlong filled with doubts… Curiously what instantly calms the nerves is when someone reassures us that we’ll be great parents and when that big day arrives -gratitude and pure joy is what we feel on knowing how everything worked out well. What about the pain? What pain, that all is forgotten the moment you hold your baby for the first time. We grasp that we are so much stronger than we comprehend and with this strength we can do anything.

                After the birth of your little angel come thousands of uncertainties. Cries and more cries… You’ve changed dirty diapers and you fed your little mini you but still the sobbing continues. Since communication is still not their forte, you have to put on your thinking cap and decipher what’s going on in that little ones soul. Colicky, tiredness or simply a tooth wanting to surprise everyone could be some of the culprits and all are reasons to keep you up at night. In times like these is when both parents have to put aside their thinking cap and now put on their patience hat just so they can attempt to clown around in hopes that the baby will forget about the pain that caused the tears.

Not always do tears have a concrete explanation. Sometimes they just want to be embraced in their parent’s arms or want to hear a lullaby that they remember hearing in the womb. Months go by and sleepless nights as well, and when that occurs you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel as you realize that the small victories are really the big ones… Just like the first time your little one started crawling or the first reactions to certain foods worth documenting on camera. The joyous sounds your angel makes while laughing. The first steps taken without any assistance. Nothing compares to hearing “mama” or “dada” as the first words the very first time causing you to weep emotionally while you experience joy.

Once again time passes as it always will, and a little brother is born. There you will be introduced to the green eyed monster except this time it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your firstborn. The toys that they don’t want to share with the stranger that has been around now for some time but to a child that was an only child up until a few months ago, his sibling is still a stranger. Now comes the tough parts, instilling important values on our offspring. Sharing is of course one of them. Just like in all phases of life, there are ups and downs, all of which requires you to use your patience hat.

More so when you have three little ones and two eyes sure aren’t enough!  Especially when all they want to do is explore as if they were little Christopher Columbus’s and they end up getting into trouble! It doesn’t matter how many times you say “no” they interpret as a “yes” and they only stop at timeouts. Than those tantrums surface and a cry triggers another cry that triggers another cry. When you have three small kids it’s a symphony of cries. It’s not too bad when you’re at home, but when you’re out in public it’s a different story. All eyes are gawking at your every move like vultures waiting for their prey. You look around embarrassed knowing that if there was a whole in the ground you’d jump in. You begin to transpire as you silently pray that this episode will stop. Then you realize, wait a minute these people don’t know anything about us to be judging, most likely they don’t even have any kids to know what it’s all about.

If they knew they would know that kids need a routine to know what is expected, and if you change it even a little bit, and it’s bound to happen because that’s what life is made of, change, you will throw them off. Unfortunately people will judge without knowing the facts. They don’t know if your child didn’t have his or her routine nap, or if they are hungry or even if they wanted that chocolate that you refused to give. However if they had kids they would sympathize and perhaps give a sigh of relief that it’s not their kids! If you give in boy are you in trouble! Being a parent is knowing when to say yes or no. It’s also curing wounds after the many falls. Which are many not because no one was looking but because you say “walk” and they automatically hear “run”. As a parent you’re working overtime every day. Your time for yourself happens when they are fast asleep that is when you don’t fall asleep yourself first after all that chasing around.

You do your best to plan your days but know that not everything goes as planned. It is making memories with your children. It’s being nervous on your child’s first day of school. Listening to the same stories being told countless times. It’s keeping a watchful eye when the fever doesn’t drop. It’s being present when the first tooth falls out and then convincing your child to sleep so that the tooth fairy can do her surprise visit. Its letting them sleep in bed with you when they are frightened at the lightening. You’re always going to be a parent your whole life. Even when they grow up and think they know it all, and have a lot of friends to go out with. All those sleepless nights come back again. You start to pray that your kids are not in the wrong place at the wrong time and come home safe… Do you still think a parent’s job is easy?

 

 

Happy Father’s Day

A DAD is someone who wants to catch you before you fall,
But instead picks you up
Brushes you off and let’s you try again.

A DAD is someone that wants to keep you from making mistakes
But instead lets you find your own way even though is heart breaks in silence when you get hurt.

A DAD is someone that holds you when you cry
Scolds you when you break the rules
Shines with pride when you succeed
Has faith in you even when you fail…
Happy Fathers Day
-unknown

❤️😀👍🏼

How will you leave your mark ?

I used to think that the older we were the more patient we are but now I have my doubts on that! I find as we get other we are more selective of our emotions that we are too busy with other things. Therefore we have a zero tolerance for others, situations or things because we did it all. We gave our all in our younger years. We did it all as well. We spent time with the wrong crowd. We did things we most likely regret as we got older. We did crazy things that now looking back wasn’t worth the energy and effort we put into it.

As the years go by like a clock ticking away, we see our time is limited. We spent half our lives trying to prove ourselves to others. To be accepted or fit in that we lost the essence of whom we really are.  After awhile, we realize that the things we took for granted were actually the ones that really mattered. The extra hours we put in a regular nine to five job were actually not worth it because in the end result we’re just a number that without a moment’s notice will be replaceable.

However, those hours that you missed out on your child’s recital… Or a parent teacher interview to work late will not come back. Those endless soccer or baseball games that you did not see your child’s victory face or dry the tears away from a loss… That’s ok; he or she will forgive you but not forget that you were not present. As we get older we regret those times we missed out on because of a bad choice.

For those that were actually there all the time, will regret that they didn’t pamper themselves. Or that they didn’t take that once in a lifetime trip to a Dubai, Bali, Thailand or any place exotic and worth visiting. They will regret not following their dreams to finally be that singer or writer that they so longed to be and so the quest begins. Life after children begins and if you’re lucky enough to be a mother or father again in your life as a grandparent you will vow not to make the mistakes you did with your own children. You will spoil your grandkids and let them have chocolate until their hearts content. Some will be very present as they weren’t to their own kids due to career opportunities. Others will actually adopt an “I did the child raising once now it’s the kids turn to do it.”

They will concentrate their energy travelling the globe while on their retirement. Others will take this time to actually go back to school to finally get that degree that they put on hold for the responsibilities of raising a family. For that matter, there’s no time like the present to set our priorities straight and see what really matters to us. Without a doubt there’s people going to soon. Some might have left their mark in this world and their legacy will remain on as positive, others will leave their mark too, but will it be on a positive note?

What mark do you want to leave in this world? What will people say about you? Have you done everything on your bucket list? There’s so much I can write about this but for now I have to check off -playing with my kids while making funny memories!

Can I take a Sick Day Tomorrow?

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I’m sitting on my bed with my Mac on my lap, and as I’m typing away it hits me to take a sick day tomorrow..Oh wait… I’m a mom remember. I don’t get sick days. Even with a throbbing throat that feels like there’s something going on down there I can’t call in sick and just lie in bed. My kids won’t find it amusing. Lord knows hiding in the washroom moments longer just to search a Facebook feed until my door is busted open by some little hands with a voice in the background “there you are mommy. I’ve been looking for you all over”. It’s funny “bk”, before kids, I could check my feeds just about anywhere, in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. You know, all the normal places. Now it’s in the bathroom and the occasional time in the garage. I used to hear stories how moms would go into the washroom to find some peace and quiet until they were found. It was there corner spot to read the latest fashion magazines or search their email. I used to laugh with amusement. They’re response “just wait until it happens to you”. After all that, I actually was a tiny bit curious as to why I was being sought out after my husband seemed to have everything down packed… Of course I had to ask Nuno who is two almost three why he was looking for me… “I seen a spider and I thought of you!”. I was not the slightest bit disappointed that I didn’t get to see that creature. All creatures are beautiful, but some actually are more beautiful when they are further away from us. To me, Spiders can be oceans apart, snakes can be with them too and of course those beautiful scorpions as well. Their beautiful but the further away they are, the more astonishing they become. I don’t have any arachnophobia or ophidiophobia or anything. I guess my kids have caught on about my endless love for them that they couldn’t miss an opportunity to introduce me to their new found friend. I couldn’t help but chuckle on the way he proudly told me his reason for looking for me. At such a young age what he wanted was to hear me screech so he can laugh at me. Having kids is just that. It’s having those endless chuckles even when you’ve asked for silence for the twentieth or so time for bedtime. It’s those “why”, you explain, “but why”, you explain again and so on. It’s those runny noses that always seem to run in the middle of a daily task. It’s your phone never being yours anymore and hence the reason you actually are able to respond to a text hours later in your quiet place, the washroom. It’s cooking for the ones you love, and as your in the middle of stirring your pot, you hear a voice, “mommy I gotta go to the bathroom”. You know daddy is free but it’s you they come to. This is just a little bit, but there’s so much more that happens “ak” (after kids). The moments of laughter. Even the moments of insanity where it seems like your losing your mind, but you slowly come down to your happy place and put that behind your back. Mommies get sick but they don’t fall apart. They get there stuff together and keep going. Taking a Tylenol or Advil and up and running. A mom can replace many people but no one can replace a mommy.