Everything Helps

Having children can be the most exhilarating and yet the most frightening. You can go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Everything helps when you have a plan. Everything helps when you set goals and boundaries. Everything helps when you have a support group outside of your home. I put together a list of five helpful tips but I know there’s so much more. If only life was this simple. I probably do a second partake in the near future. With children there’s so much to talk about. I might not have a PHD in Child Psychology or Child Development but I have four kids. That should say it all. We are always learning and trying new methods to make life easier.

 

 1. One of the best things you can do for your child is to show genuine interest. To lead by example is to be the kind of person you want your child to be. To figure out what your true values are and acting on them. They can be as simple as doing unto others what you want done to yourself. To never giving up on making your dreams come true. To know that it’s ok to ask for help when you feel a little overwhelmed and to not be too hard on yourself when things don’t go your way!

 

2. Show affection. No one ever said too much affection was a bad thing especially when kids are small but lack of affection causes a significant impact on a child’s behavior development causing them many times to act up. Don’t be afraid to give lots of hugs or shower them with kisses. It will do wonders for their self esteem. Some kids might be into high-fives or some prefer that you text them or write them sweet little notes. Find your way to show how much you care and appreciate them. They grow up so fast and will remember every second you demonstrated your love!

 

3. Be the parent that asks questions. Be the parent that shows up to practice and recitals. Be the parent that “shows up”. Be the one that’s present, and makes time for their child. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about what’s going on your child’s life. Ask questions about school, activities or interests. Be open and friendly to their friends. Ask questions about them. Be accepting of everyone.

 

4. Your child needs you to be clear, reasonable, consistent and lenient to their ever changing needs and choices as they grow older. Sometimes you are the one that’s saying “no” when other parents are just saying “yes”! At times it’s in everybody’s interest and has to be done for the long haul. Stressful frustrations can set in but setting boundaries and limits are important for developmental needs.

 

5. Look around you. Are there any adults outside of your immediate family that have a positive influence on your child’s life? Perhaps it’s his or her teacher that pushes them to practice writing their name and teaches them not to give up. Maybe they are in the swim team and the instructor pushes them a few more laps in the pool, to motivate them. Maybe they have a supervisor in charge of their routes where they deliver the Sunday newspaper teaching them commitment and responsibility. All parties can benefit from having supportive relationships.

 

 

Helpful Tips

 

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Her name is Confidence

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I have a green box that I fill with things very special to me. Things that I will never forget in my lifetime. The box was normal coloured box until I decided to paint it green. Perhaps it was so to remind me that better days are yet to come. That a rainbow always comes after the storm. As grIeen is the colour of hope, it helps me to not forget that at times I might not understand the reasons why things are happening the way they are but it could be because God is taking me to another level. God takes away things that no longer belongs to me to give me better things even things that I wasn’t expecting. Or maybe if too many things are happening all at once it’s happening to prepare me for what is coming my way. In my green box that I have named Confidence, I have pictures of amazing scenery with unforgettable moments. Images that I have taken with friends, family, alone or with my better half. All those moments are documented in my soul. It is there that I find true spiritual peace.

When I feel like throwing down the towel, I grab Confidence, open her and in mere seconds can restore my faith and find strength to keep going as if I was re-born. All the movie ticket stubs of movies that I have seen alone or with company I keep in Confidence. They are kept to remind me of all the happy moments spent and moments of which I was afraid with a scene or two of a horror film. I also have the moments that I cried in a cinema as when I watched Titanic or the Passion of Christ.

In my box you can find all the people that I met in my life. Some that have already left my life. Others that will be leaving me life. While others who will remain with me in my journey. Those that have left me I am grateful for their leaving even those that have hurt me. Without the hurt they instilled in me I couldn’t have learned to LOVE completely and deeply. I also learned of what I want and what I don’t want for me. With eyes wide open I learned not to repeat the same mistakes again.

I also have memories of those people that didn’t believe in me and tried to take me off course from my goals. They taught me how to get strength from all avenues and keep on trying to reach my full potential.

In my box I have memories of everything. Even memories of people I believed were really my friends only to find out they never were to begin with. Even wearing masks I am forever grateful, without their mask I couldn’t see the real person behind that mask and only when it fell off did I learn the true value of friendship. That betrayal comes from where you least expect it and not everyone will be happy with your successes. Now I know that I cannot make everyone happy except for myself.

I also have memories of those people that made me fall which just made
me get up as fast as I fell. Only then did I realize that I was on the right path and kept on going except now I was accompanied with determination!

How will you leave your mark ?

I used to think that the older we were the more patient we are but now I have my doubts on that! I find as we get other we are more selective of our emotions that we are too busy with other things. Therefore we have a zero tolerance for others, situations or things because we did it all. We gave our all in our younger years. We did it all as well. We spent time with the wrong crowd. We did things we most likely regret as we got older. We did crazy things that now looking back wasn’t worth the energy and effort we put into it.

As the years go by like a clock ticking away, we see our time is limited. We spent half our lives trying to prove ourselves to others. To be accepted or fit in that we lost the essence of whom we really are.  After awhile, we realize that the things we took for granted were actually the ones that really mattered. The extra hours we put in a regular nine to five job were actually not worth it because in the end result we’re just a number that without a moment’s notice will be replaceable.

However, those hours that you missed out on your child’s recital… Or a parent teacher interview to work late will not come back. Those endless soccer or baseball games that you did not see your child’s victory face or dry the tears away from a loss… That’s ok; he or she will forgive you but not forget that you were not present. As we get older we regret those times we missed out on because of a bad choice.

For those that were actually there all the time, will regret that they didn’t pamper themselves. Or that they didn’t take that once in a lifetime trip to a Dubai, Bali, Thailand or any place exotic and worth visiting. They will regret not following their dreams to finally be that singer or writer that they so longed to be and so the quest begins. Life after children begins and if you’re lucky enough to be a mother or father again in your life as a grandparent you will vow not to make the mistakes you did with your own children. You will spoil your grandkids and let them have chocolate until their hearts content. Some will be very present as they weren’t to their own kids due to career opportunities. Others will actually adopt an “I did the child raising once now it’s the kids turn to do it.”

They will concentrate their energy travelling the globe while on their retirement. Others will take this time to actually go back to school to finally get that degree that they put on hold for the responsibilities of raising a family. For that matter, there’s no time like the present to set our priorities straight and see what really matters to us. Without a doubt there’s people going to soon. Some might have left their mark in this world and their legacy will remain on as positive, others will leave their mark too, but will it be on a positive note?

What mark do you want to leave in this world? What will people say about you? Have you done everything on your bucket list? There’s so much I can write about this but for now I have to check off -playing with my kids while making funny memories!

Can I take a Sick Day Tomorrow?

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I’m sitting on my bed with my Mac on my lap, and as I’m typing away it hits me to take a sick day tomorrow..Oh wait… I’m a mom remember. I don’t get sick days. Even with a throbbing throat that feels like there’s something going on down there I can’t call in sick and just lie in bed. My kids won’t find it amusing. Lord knows hiding in the washroom moments longer just to search a Facebook feed until my door is busted open by some little hands with a voice in the background “there you are mommy. I’ve been looking for you all over”. It’s funny “bk”, before kids, I could check my feeds just about anywhere, in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. You know, all the normal places. Now it’s in the bathroom and the occasional time in the garage. I used to hear stories how moms would go into the washroom to find some peace and quiet until they were found. It was there corner spot to read the latest fashion magazines or search their email. I used to laugh with amusement. They’re response “just wait until it happens to you”. After all that, I actually was a tiny bit curious as to why I was being sought out after my husband seemed to have everything down packed… Of course I had to ask Nuno who is two almost three why he was looking for me… “I seen a spider and I thought of you!”. I was not the slightest bit disappointed that I didn’t get to see that creature. All creatures are beautiful, but some actually are more beautiful when they are further away from us. To me, Spiders can be oceans apart, snakes can be with them too and of course those beautiful scorpions as well. Their beautiful but the further away they are, the more astonishing they become. I don’t have any arachnophobia or ophidiophobia or anything. I guess my kids have caught on about my endless love for them that they couldn’t miss an opportunity to introduce me to their new found friend. I couldn’t help but chuckle on the way he proudly told me his reason for looking for me. At such a young age what he wanted was to hear me screech so he can laugh at me. Having kids is just that. It’s having those endless chuckles even when you’ve asked for silence for the twentieth or so time for bedtime. It’s those “why”, you explain, “but why”, you explain again and so on. It’s those runny noses that always seem to run in the middle of a daily task. It’s your phone never being yours anymore and hence the reason you actually are able to respond to a text hours later in your quiet place, the washroom. It’s cooking for the ones you love, and as your in the middle of stirring your pot, you hear a voice, “mommy I gotta go to the bathroom”. You know daddy is free but it’s you they come to. This is just a little bit, but there’s so much more that happens “ak” (after kids). The moments of laughter. Even the moments of insanity where it seems like your losing your mind, but you slowly come down to your happy place and put that behind your back. Mommies get sick but they don’t fall apart. They get there stuff together and keep going. Taking a Tylenol or Advil and up and running. A mom can replace many people but no one can replace a mommy.