11 Reasons Why Couples Fall Apart

Close up of young couple fighting

  1. Incompatibility

In the beginning when couples met they looked at only certain aspects of one another and overlooked others. By spending time with each other they learned more about each ones habit. Sometimes habits, values, opinions, lifestyles don’t coincide with what each person needs. You can turn a blinds eye and adapt or you decide what is best for you. Just remember what Leo Tolstoy said “what counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

  1. Betrayal

A relationship to persevere has to be built on trust. When someone is betrayed either by infidelity or a broken agreement a part of you is taken away. The trust is taken away and in order to gain it back a lot of work has to be done. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The betrayer has to prove him or herself to the betrayed. The betrayed has to put everything behind him or her in order to move forward. Confucious once said  “three things cannot be long hidden; the sun, the moon and the truth.”

  1. Jealousy

When extreme jealousy takes over, the trust slips away. In the beginning stages of jealousy it might be good to know that your significant other desires you for him or herself but when those feelings turn into an obsession and they are constantly accusatory or suffocating it can cause for the relationship to end. Although jealous behaviors have a tendency to happen once in awhile, partners who have frequent jealousy episodes can actually push the other person away. Especially if the episodes result in physical or psychological torment.  As Rodney Dangerfield said, “my wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”

  1. Grudges

Every couple has disagreements. Holding onto grudges, will only make matters worse. If couples don’t talk about their problems the issues will escalate leaving them with vengeful thoughts and slowly deteriorating they’re relationship. Anger usually comes when either one uses the silent treatment to disguise what their feeling. It’s important to find a healthy way of resolving issues that can come from misunderstandings. As Unicahija Tamano once said, “mend fences, build bridges, forgive trespasses, grieve losses and let toxic grudges go then move on.”

  1. Non Solid Foundations

Sometimes relationships don’t start off on the right foot. They start off as merely physical with nothing else to keep them bonded. They get caught in the lust stage that they forget to build their foundation. Resulting in emptiness with nothing to keep them grounded. Just as starting off cheating on someone without thinking about the consequences and the pain endured for those involved.  Someone once said, “build a friendship before marrying someone so that you marry your best friend.”

  1. Clinginess

It’s important to have hobbies and other passions separate from your partner. While making time for friendships separately. However, it’s also important to include your partner in activities you both can grow to love. People pull away when one partner is too clingy wanting always to spend every second of the day together.  Finding a balance will inevitably make everyone happy. As Eckhart Tolle once said, “accept then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

  1. Independence

Balance is fundamental when it comes to having an independence lifestyle with regards to your partner. Although being needy can destroy a connection between two people so can being overtly independent. A person might feel as if the other person doesn’t need them anymore and look for someone that does. Someone once said, “one day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.”

  1. Honeymoon Phase Ends

When two people fall in love everything seems perfect. Almost too good to be true. They lust for each other and see no flaws. This is said to be the Honeymoon Stage where everything is great. With time the lust fades away leaving them aware of things they didn’t quite see. Arguments start happening over differences relating to dealing with money. Bills pile up. One is a spender the other a saver. Negative thoughts come to mind while wondering if they are still in love. They start to take each other for granted while the negativity escalates. To get through the adversities of life, focus on the positives things done and appreciation will follow. As Oscar Wilde once said, “never love anyone who treats you like your ordinary.”

  1. High Expectations

Setting high expectations onto a person will only cause frustration in the end. It is true to believe that in the beginning wants and needs are always met but with time things don’t always stay the same. Life changes and people change. Situations change and therefore needs have to be adjusted accordingly. When one feels his or her needs are not being met than love can slowly fade away. As Shakespeare once said, “expectation is the root of all heartache.”

  1. Major Life Events

Dramatic life experiences can turn the dynamics of the relationship. A sudden death in the family might not allow the griever to pick up where they left off. A sudden job loss can cause depression. A birth of a child can cause a slight adjustment to everyday needs and wants. As Thomas Merton once said, “every moment and every event of every man’s life on earth plants something in his soul.”

11. Keeping the Spark

Many times a couple forgets how they met each other. The places they went. The time it took to get ready for a date. The way they wore their hair. They forgot the little things that made a big difference. Then stagnation poked it’s head while it came to stay and passion escaped.  As they stopped investing in themselves and each other the spark that once existed fades away and boredom sets in. Love takes work. Love is a choice one makes to let their partner know that they stand beside them every day of the year and not only on anniversaries or special occasions. Someone once said, “a successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.”

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